I felt nothing.... or so it felt

I would use the proverbial 'I put in my papers today,' although I wonder why we say that, cause in reality I just shot a two line email to the concerned people. Anyway, I resigned today. I have heard a lot being said by friends and colleagues in the past, that this is a strange feeling. I've heard stuff like you feel really light after sending it, or relieved, or sad, or mixed emotions etc etc. I mean the few minutes between when you are done composing the two lines, revisiting them 10 times and hitting that 'send,' button. But strangely I felt 'nothing.' 

It could be due to several reasons, I had been waiting for this time for a bit too long now. Or may be there weren't any friends 'around,' to share the feeling &/or moment with. Or cause life will continue as is for the next few weeks, till I actually stop going, and the routine discontinues. I just sent it like any other 'out of office,' 'leave,' email.

I shared it with someone best described as my almost elder sis/gyaan guru/gossip queen/support system/friend, and she had some really nice things to say.

- It will be overwhelming: I didn't feel this at all somehow, am i being weird, or is the idea over-rated?

- Go hug mom, when you get home: Done, always happy to :)

- Take the happy memories: Pictures, laughter, whining, goof ups, random chats, chai breaks, celebrations, events, colors, new beginnings, moving on, farewell emails, farewells, alcohol overdoze, dinners, and some more? Still frames in my mind...

- Leave all the baggage behind: Tough one this!

She continued: 'Its a Big Brave Step!'

Indeed it is. When you spend almost half a decade at a place, learning earning and having fun along the way, it is a shot at bravery, to finally hit that 'send,' button and then the countdown begins...

Not to mention the innumerable times I have been quizzed about my last working day by every second person. 

I know what you're thinking, where is this post going, and that its a little all over the place, but really so am I right now. I would ideally like to feel something, but I am not able to nail what that something really is. If only 'something,' would equal some sentiment or emotion. 

I totally had to share it, cause sometimes you need to go over your own actions and plans over and over again for them to sink in, and for you to realize their impact.

The end for a new beginning! 

It felt nothing, only enough that I should blog about it :)

The most fragile 'F' word

It wavers more than a dried leaf on a dead branch. The leaf has the excuse of being almost at the brink of dear life. It has lived its time, it has seen its spring and in the winter of life it gives away slowly the color and charm of youth. In the winter of its life, it withers away when the wind tugs at its base. 


But what about us or is it just me?  


Faith, I find is more fragile than that leaf. More delicate than the petal of a flower. Difficult to have, tough to hold on to, very very easy to let go. They say its about the choices you make, the decisions you take. Whats there to choose? Everything... I know. To be or not be, to keep the faith or just let it go. 


Doubts are like raging bulls, hovering clouds, in your head, or all around. Grey, dark, relentless. Then how do you keep them at bay? Find an anchor, God help you with that. Its easy to write off people, relations, situations and intent.

I try a bit everyday, almost invariably unsuccessfully, but I hope to get there someday, to keep the faith from shaking, to keep the belief from breaking. Faith not just in the divine, but in those I know, in the ones to keep, in the ones to let go, in all things pure, in the human heart...

Farewell to my lovelies....and cheers to new beginnings!

I received quite some feedback today, around the mood getting kinda gloomy here. For all those who care to read whatever I've been scribbling of late, let me assure you that, that was not the intent, at all. So I'll try changing that a bit, beginning with this post, and I sincerely hope this one leaves behind a different, hopefully pleasant, feeling. 


Today, I officially bid adieu to my very dear friends, who were two of my closest pals at work and outside. I can't stress enough how sad saying goodbye is, for me for sure. I've dined, lunched, partied, gossiped, and done pretty much everything two friends can with Veni. Yes, she's the one leaving and the other being her husband Suhel, who also happens to be a good friend in a not so conventional way. Not-so-conventional well I choose not to clarify that part. About Veni, what can I say, I have loved, enjoyed, and cherished all the fun times we have had together.  We've worked together, we've hung out in the office and otherwise (I'm sure Veni would choose to differ, we could have hung out more often than we did but still), we've talked n talked, gossiped over coffee, tea, beer & wine. And I cannot capture all of the fun times in words here. I'm sure you get the drift. All of this and more will be missed, and how. 


But I'm happy for you both. The next big step, a new beginning, a new place, and different horizons. For context, both of them are moving to Chicago, for Suhel's MBA from Kellogg. (Yeah, simply wow I know).


The best is yet to come and my heartfelt wishes and love to you both. Another time, another place, we will meet again, to re-visit the fun times and so much more.